– Tired of playing sleazy, hyper-violent military action games, with plots that can make Tom Clancy seem like the new Homer and with monochromatitis aesthetics that can make “Twilight” films look like Dali masterpieces?
– Yeah, ashamed to say I kinda am, Will. Last night, I played Call of Duty Black Ops till 5 AM…
[The crowd sighs disgusted…]
– Cliff, YOU don’t have to go on with that tiresome bore any longer!! NOW, for a limited time offer, you can get “Braid” AND “Machinarium“, two lovely, sugary masterpieces, for the sole price of X.99$… [pause for dramatic effect]… X being whatever you feel like giving for these two SEXY mamas!!!
– Damn Will, that’s great!
– You betcha, Cliff! And if you order in the next twenty four hours, you get indie oddity “Osmos” AND two indie ventures we couldn’t give a damn about, ALL TOTALLY FREE OF CHARGE.
– MAN, is that a DEAL…
[The crowd roars with contentment!]
– And that’s not all Cliff.
– What do you mean, Will? There’s MORE?
– Yes there IS. See, Cliff, I know life hasn’t been easy…
– … it sure hasn’t!
– The economical crisis – the worst since 1929 – has left many of us homeless, unemployed, chained with unpayable mortgages… some can’t even afford a TiVo any longer. Makes you feel bad about wasting money in trivial things like videogames, huh?
[Close up shot of tears rolling down a woman’s face]
– Yeah, Will, these sure have been tough times for everyone!
– Well, have I got the goods for YOU, Cliff. Have I ever!!! Don’t fret!! Part of the proceedings of this sale go directly to charity institutions that help children in need. You can’t beat that, now can you, Cliff?
– Whoa! Seriously??? That’s freakin’ AWESOME!
[The crowd goes wild, it’s Oprah giving out cars all over again!]
– You can bet on it!!! And I guarantee that if you buy these sweet, sweet babies now, you might even be able to design better than mediocre titles someday… in the future… the very distant future, of course, Cliff. But ONLY IF YOU BUY THESE HOT HOT PUPPIES… NOW!!!!